Age four. That’s the earliest I can remember deciding that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. By then I had two or three sisters (depending on if it was the beginning of the age four or the end) and always helped my mom with them. Of course I had my first doll (I still have it actually, although she’s a hot mess. Her name is Carrie.) that I took along with me, and I remember that learning to cook food seemed to be the most important thing to learn. Of course along the way I had aspirations of being a figure skater (too poor and too tall) or an actress (too impractical), but mostly I stayed true to course. Even in high school when I was trying to decide what I wanted to become I nixed Photojournalist, Chef and Writer because they were too time intensive, and instead debated between Teacher (so that I could be home when the kids were) and Photographer (so I could set my own hours). I guess you know which one ultimately won out…
The desire for foster parenting came a little later, as a senior in high school. I always planned to homeschool my own kids, but as I did research I learned that you can’t homeschool foster kids, so even waaaaay before I could, I knew I had to pick a house in a county with good schools. Jason and I even talked about fostering and me wanting to be a stay at home mom on the first date! It was kind of a big moment too. We’d spent about 12 hours together non-stop, and during that time (and the time before when we were chatting on eHarmony) I checked everything off of my list for a future husband except for that one thing. When we got to the end and he was excited about that plan, I knew I’d found the guy I was going to marry. That was one heck of a first date!
So my dreams, since I was so little, and then expanded upon about 11 years ago, are finally coming true! Granted, it’s not the way I planned. I always thought I would have one or two kids of my own, wait until they were about 10 years old, and then start fostering younger kids, with the foster kids getting older as my biological kids got older. It’s been nearly two years now since we started trying to have a family, and it seems God wants us to start fostering now instead of later. It is well with me! Trying (and failing) to have kids for so long has been incredibly difficult at times, but since January when we started taking classes to become licensed, I have been blessed with an overwhelming peace about it. I wasn’t high strung or stressed before, but this is a new level of contentment that I am so happy to have.
I’m excited, ECSTATIC, about the thought of having kids in my home in a few months (or less). We have been over the top blessed with clothing and toy donations from so many people and have a full heart from the support people have shown us. We have a bedroom set up, toys all arranged, outlets that are plugged up and even a land line (I know, I didn’t even know you could still buy those!) in our kitchen. Right now we are waiting on all the paperwork to go through the government channels so that we can be licensed, and when that happens it could be hours before kids come (or months, but I doubt it). So what about my dream from age four? Well, I’ve given my notice at the home where I’ve been a nanny for almost two and half years, and starting in May I will be a stay at home mom. I am so so over the moon, it’s actually kind of hard to even write about. We are ready. SO ready. It’ll be a drastic life change, a major income reduction, a lot of hard work and be full of plenty of drama, but I am ready. I was meant for this. Made for it. Maybe my body was never meant for my own kids, but my heart was made ready for this a long time ago, and I. Can’t. Wait.