I have a confession to make. I’m afraid of getting old and having wrinkles. It’s not the only thing I’m afraid of either. I’m afraid of being pregnant (even though I really want kids), I’m afraid of becoming overweight, and I’m afraid of being alone (Jason dying). I can’t really even tell you why. I’m not one of those people who obsess over their looks and who consider plastic surgery. I put on makeup because I like to, not because I feel pressured to (see this post: Taking a Stand). I don’t worry about money or losing my job, whether using deodorant will give me cancer, or whether people like me. I’m not a worrier. BUT, I do get afraid of dumb things; things I can’t control.
Getting wrinkles is a natural part of life. It’s just something that happens. I’ve never really been concerned with it before now, but the other day I saw them: fine lines. The start. It scared me! I thought “I’m not old! I don’t have kids! How can I be getting wrinkles?!” They are just below my eyes in the corner, laugh wrinkles really, nothing to be ashamed of– at least that’s what I keep telling myself. I honestly think it’s my moms’ fault.
Whoa! Hold up! Don’t misunderstand. My parents married young (my mom was 19) and had me when they were young, and so they’re still young! Despite having four kids in four years, my mom had energy, went to all the activities, and anytime someone would find out that she had four kids in high school they just simply wouldn’t believe her. So that was my standard growing up. Now at age 27, if I were my mom I would have four kids, ages 6, 5, 4, and 2. Nope, not even close. Not even something baking. So yeah, wrinkles scare me a bit, and so does having kids, and becoming overweight because of it, or dying before I’ve raised them or raising them alone. It all scares me. I realized the other day that I will be (at the youngest) almost 50 when my kids get out of the house. I want to be young! Basically, I want to be my mom.
But I can’t. So now what? Buy Mary Kay’s Timewise and just hope for the best? Make sure to use cocoa butter during pregnancy and work out, and hope I don’t get hit by a car? Sure, I guess, I could do that. But I’d rather not. I’d rather not live with regrets at all. So guess what? I’m not going to! I’m writing this blog as a reminder to myself to live life to its fullest! No regrets, no worrying, no nonsense about being afraid of things I can’t control. Besides, life right now is pretty darn great and my God is bigger than all that anyway.
What is a wrinkle anyway? Proof of life and laughter. I can handle that.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalms 139:14