Eighty-five percent of couples trying to get pregnant succeed in one year. We are officially in the not-so-lucky 15%. It’s not a rank I ever expected to join.
WARNING: There is quite possibly TMI in this post. Nothing gross though.
Growing up, it’s not something that’s even ever mentioned. Everyone in my family has gotten pregnant immediately, and considering all the talk growing up about not having sex before marriage (so you won’t get pregnant is the biggest threat of all!), it’s something I kind of thought would just happen immediately. Something I’ve learned during this year, though, is that a lot of women deal with this. A lot! Maybe it’s becoming more common, or maybe because things are just not as private anymore with social media, but either way I’m hearing about it now more than I ever have in my whole life. Even in the Bible stories, women who prayed for kids would have their prayers answered, seemingly right away. It’s just not something that came up, so what a huge disappointment this year has been for me (I should clarify that I only mean in this one situation. Otherwise the year has been great!).
Every month I chart, take prenatal vitamins, plan, calculate, and “love my husband” (like my euphemism? I came up with it on the fly when I accidentally mentioned “trying to have a baby” to a kid and they asked how you “try”), and every month, nope. The first three months were absolutely brutal. It was literally all I could think about, and the two week wait each month was complete torture. Eventually, and its gotten better every month, I’ve learned to just let it go (“Frozen” anyone? Sorry to get that song stuck in your head…again), and the months are back to their normal speed. I don’t stress about it at all, and except for the one day a month when I find out I’m unsuccessful (or in the rare case of a movie or show or a sermon delves into infertility), I don’t shed any tears.
I’m not saying that my desire to have kids has gone down, or that I don’t have my moments of longing, of course, but I’ve always been the kind of person who could see the sense in not wasting my time on worrying. Well not always, but as an adult, yes. Instead I try, and mostly do well at, focusing on the life I have now, which is really kind of wonderful. It’s been helpful to me to focus on the things my husband and I are able to do now that people with kids can’t do. Something else that has helped is talking about it with others. My mom, sister Rachel, and best friend Felicia know all there is to know, and it helps to talk it out (it’s good for you, too, because otherwise the blogs would always be about this!).
So what now? Well, they say that if you’re younger than thirty (check) and have no known medical problems (check), that you should wait a year before seeing a doctor for infertility (check). So this month, Jason did his tests and came back perfectly normal, and I went to talk to a doctor. It seems we are doing everything right, but I can’t know for sure if there is a problem with me until we do some tests. Those tests are expensive though, so I am going to wait until October (when I can jump on my husband’s insurance) until I start doing those tests.
In the meantime, I am seeing a chiropractor who specializes in pre-pregnancy through post-pregnancy women. I’m sure that’s not the terms she would use, but hey it works. At our initial consultation and testing, we discovered that I have mild degeneration in my neck and back. When your back is not all lined up correctly it can affect the nervous system, causing things to not work correctly in the reproduction area, so hopefully this will fix it (assuming that’s the problem). If not, I’m still glad I’m going because there is slipped discs in my family history (and it’s genetic) and I don’t want it happening to me! I’ll also be splitting some essential oils with my best friend in two months, and if ovulation is the problem, that should fix me up in that area. Kind of funny huh? I’d rather try all the natural remedies before doing blood work, but hey, if it gets me away from needles, I’ll try it!
So that’s where we are in our journey. Next steps: doing tests to figure out if there’s something obvious wrong with me. If not, we’ve already decided that we would very likely choose to adopt before trying IVFs. So who knows what the future holds? Maybe God’s plan for me is a little kid already out there in the world. Either way, pray for me. Not that I’ll get pregnant, but that God will make His plan evident to both Jason and me. Whatever happens, I want all three of us to be on the same page, and sometimes that’s tricky to figure out. I want to get pregnant. I’ve wanted to be a mommy since I was about four years old, but I’m okay. I’m doing great, actually. I’ve told Jason that if I had to choose between him or having a baby, I’d always choose him, and I mean it. He’s an amazing man and I’m blessed, and happy all the time because he’s in my life. So that’s all for now. Thanks for reading!
Kids look good on me, don’t you agree? 🙂